GROUP COACHING

Before You Decide

Stop fighting. Get clear. Then decide.An 8-week live group for women who decide they’re leaving every time they fight — and then don’t.

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Before You Decide

The fight isn't the worst part. It's the twenty minutes after.

The edge of the bed. The bathroom with the fan on. The car in the driveway. And the thought you always have: I cannot do this for another twenty years.

So you do the math. The kids. The house. What you'd tell people. And the math says you can't, or you don't know, or you still love him. So you go back in. By Thursday it's fine again and you feel dramatic for having thought any of it.

Three weeks later you're right back on the edge of that bed.

Here's why you can't answer this.

Every single time you've thought about leaving, you were flooded, it was late, and something had just been said. That's the only evidence you have. You're trying to make a permanent decision using data you collect exclusively on your worst nights.

And you have never seen this relationship without the fighting in it. Not once in years.

So you're not actually choosing between staying and leaving. You're choosing between this, and something you've never gotten to look at.

What we do about it

We don't touch the decision for five weeks. We take the fighting out first, and then you look.

  1. Weeks 1–2

    Your cycle

    Not conflict in general. The exact sequence the two of you run, in order, every time.

  2. Weeks 3–4

    The first ninety seconds

    Where the whole fight gets decided, and what to do differently inside them.

  3. Week 5

    Saying the hard thing

    Without it becoming the thing.

  4. Week 6

    Looking

    Five weeks of a quieter house, and now the question you came in with.

  5. Weeks 7–8

    Deciding

    And living with what you decide.

You don't need to bring him. You don't need to know which way you're leaning. Most women who do this don't.

This is for you if

You fight in a pattern you could almost predict. You've thought about leaving more times than you've told anyone. You have real reasons you haven't gone. And you want to know what's underneath this, one way or the other.

This isn't for you if

  • You want someone to tell you to leave, or to stay — I won't.
  • You want him fixed; he isn't in the room, only you are.

And if you're afraid of your partner

If there's been violence, if you manage his moods to stay safe, if you're scared of what happens when he's angry — this isn't the right room and the work in it isn't built for your situation. That doesn't mean there's no help. Message me and I'll point you to the right support, no explanation needed.

Francesca in a lavender sweater, holding a pink mug that reads You are so very loved

Who's running it

I'm Francesca, a master's-level clinician and relationship coach in Toronto. I run groups on anger, conflict and parenting in my clinical work with women.

I'm not neutral about your wellbeing. I'm completely neutral about your decision. My only agenda is that you stop making it at 11pm.

The details

When
Tuesdays, 7:30–9:00pm EST · October 20 – December 8
Group
8 women maximum
Format
Weekly 90-minute call · private group thread between calls · all calls recorded · one 1:1 with me
Investment
$397 CAD founding rate (regular $697) · payment plan available: 2 × $199

Everyone has a short call with me before they pay, so I can make sure this is the right fit. Applications close October 16.

Apply for a seat

Questions

Does he have to know?
No. Plenty of women do this without saying what it is.
What if I decide to leave?
Then you'll leave knowing why, instead of leaving mid-fight and wondering for years whether you jumped too soon.
Will this work if he isn't changing?
Yes. A fight is a sequence with two people in it. Change one participant's moves reliably and it can't run the same way.
Apply for a seat

Before You Decide is coaching, not therapy, clinical counseling, or mental health treatment, and is not a substitute for care from a licensed professional.